In contrast, mainstream discipline uses connection as a weapon leveraging it against children and weakening the very relationships it is intended to reinforce. Taking a positive approach means using connection as a tool strengthening and refining its power as our relationships naturally deepen. How we choose to use it is for each of us to decide. Culture interprets that as a sign that conventional discipline ‘works’ but it’s for all the wrong reasons.Īll parents wield the power of connection. They have no choice but to obey, to submit and appease us in order to get the connection back. And young children will do just about anything to maintain their sense of connection with their parents. The reality is that when we use techniques like time outs, we’re – intentionally or not – disconnecting with our kids. Children will run wild and chaos will prevail! That when parents fail to control their children through fear-inducing techniques, anarchy will break loose. One of the greatest obstacles we face is the cultural belief that an absence of coercive discipline is evidence of parental apathy. It shatters the illusion that parenting is about fixing our children – because it isn’t. It asks us to be brave enough to look in the mirror and analyze the root cause of our own emotional triggers. Why? Because it demands so much more of us than conventional approaches. It is the ass-kicking antidote to coercion dwarfing punitive methods in its ability to shape our children’s behaviour.Īs simple as the idea of connection may sound, we tend to shy away from it. So as cliché as it may sound, connection is almost always the answer. We surrender the ability to influence our children. Without connection, no matter how skilled we may be, we lose the power to parent. But perhaps, above all else, it is about building relationships with our children about seeking and deepening connection.
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